Way Too Cute...

So, for some reason I get great reception on my cell phone everywhere but at home. If you know me and ever talk to me on the phone you know this, because I've probably dropped a call with you.

Well, the other day I was talking to my mom on the phone and she said 'you're breaking up' so I moved over to the huge picture window in our living room and perched myself on the window sill. After a minute or two, I look up and J is sitting on the couch with tears running down his face he's laughing so hard. Then I feel something on my arm. Sitting next to me on the window sill was Piper the cat. She was facing me, all puffed up, ears flat against her head, and swatting at me to get off of her sill. It was hilarious. She's never done anything like that before to one of us (only to other cats), but I guess neither of us has ever had the gall to encroach on territory that was so clearly hers.

I wish I had a picture of it to post, but alas I'll have to trust the power of your imagination on this one.

Brevity

Life is short. Every once in a while it strikes me how short (and frail) life is. I'm not even sure what it was today that triggered my reflections, but I wish I could always keep this truth in front of me.

To be totally honest, J and I have been trying for 20 months to conceive. These efforts have resulted in 2 miscarriages, but no baby. As a result of this, I've experienced all sorts of thoughts and emotions. First of all, I realize more and more what a miracle life is. I haven't really been angry, sad a little - especially with the first miscarriage - and a little depressed. Since November, 15 of my friends have had babies; six of those were coworkers all due within 6 weeks of my original due date. Lots of people have asked me if this was hard for me. It seems like it should have been, but it really wasn't. I was genuinely happy for each of my friends, and found it difficult to be angry or hurt that somehow they've been able to achieve something that I haven't (yet) - each little life a miracle.

I'm kind of wandering here, but it all connects in my head. I guess what I want to say is that over the past month or so, I've really felt like God was challenging me with a question: 'Will I be okay if we never have children?' I've always imagined my life with kids. I really want to be a mother, but as I look at my life I think I could be content without them. Life would be really different from what I always thought it would be - but when does it ever turn out the way we plan? 

Believe it or not, this post isn't really about whether or not J and I can have children. It's about my heart and my head and my attitude towards life. When I die, I want to die as the whole, complete person Christ has made me. I haven't been living like a whole person, though. I've been living like a person with a hole in my life. There are things I've put on hold because we're trying to have a baby and I realize that I can't do that. I have to live my life. 

Full Heart

Yesterday was a long, but wonderful day, but I have to give you some background in order for you to get the wonderfullness of it all. When I first moved to Illinois in January of 1998, I came as a youth director for a church. I had long, odd hours, I knew no one but the kids I was ministering to and their parents. Socially, my saving grace was that the organization (Tentmakers) that trained me for youth ministry had set up networks of youth directors called clusters. Most of these clusters were not what they should have been, but the northern Illinois/Chicagoland cluster was kind of the poster child of clusters. We met once a month for a Friday night to Saturday (yes about 15-25 of us "adults" would have a sleep over). We did extra training together, prayed together, worshiped together. We were all transplants from other areas of the country or state, so we were each others family. We were there for each other when babies were born - or lost, jobs were lost and new ones found, and when parents died.

Sadly, over about a 2 year span, it seemed that everyone moved on. They either moved away or got married and changed their name. Regardless, I lost touch with just about everyone, as sometimes happens with groups of friends. I've never been good at consistently keeping up with people. Then, about 2 months ago I was interviewing a young woman for a job a church and as we got to talking I found out that she had been in one of my friends youth groups - and she was still in touch with him. I got his email address and found out he was getting married.

This brings us to yesterday. C and A's wedding was beautiful. I think I can honestly say, with all of the weddings I've been to in my life, I've never seen happier faces on the bride and groom. The best part of the whole day, however is the number of other "Tentmakers" that were there. I was able to catch up with some of the dearest people to me during the hardest and best time in my life. N had been a dear, dear friend throughout my Tentmaker years. Maybe the best. She got married and moved and I moved all at the same time. Then I got married too. I didn't think I'd ever find her again, but she was there yesterday. Not only are we in touch again, but it turns out that 3-4 weeks ago, she and her husband actually moved back to the area. How lucky am I?!

Well, as you can see, I'm thrilled. I've gushed for quite a while now. Our hope is to restart the annual camping trip that we used to do so we can all see each other and catch up at least once a year.

That's all for now.

Generally Pleased

Wedding - Well, the planning of M and D's wedding is going very well. I was a little concerned about the fact that they're family. I wasn't sure this wouldn't turn into one of "those things" that create a lot of tension between family members. But it's been really fun, and we've gotten along very well throughout. And soon they will have a beautiful cerimony and as Dan says they'll be married (which is the most important part).

HP7 - I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows the day after I got it. I basically was a loaf the entire weekend. It was great. I didn't think I was ready for the series to end, but Rowling did a beautiful job of tying up loose ends and when it was all over I felt like it was okay that there wouldn't be any more books. Although, I do believe she could continue the series, albeit with a different group of people, should choose to in the future. And if she does, I'll be very happy to read. That's all I'll say about that as I know that some reading this may not have read the book yet and I'd hate to give anything away.

Moving - It looks like we're moving again. I hate moving, but this time it's exciting because we've finally bought a place. Not a house, we couldn't afford that here in Chicagoland, but it's a nice little condo. A good starter for us. If all goes well, we close on Sept. 7th.

New family member - we are expecting a little niece or nephew in February. We're very happy for Joel's sister and her husband and look forward to meeting this new little one.

That's all for now. Sorry about the list.